Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My orgasm happened in two different decades
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
