if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
