I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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