Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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