Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
