saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
