So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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