I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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