so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
