I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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