Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He did a backflip because drugs
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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