your parents love me but you hate me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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