he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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