Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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