When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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