I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
