and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
