dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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