She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
