Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
