If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
