I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
