so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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