Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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