I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
