Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
