Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
