he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
