i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Found your dick twin last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
