what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
