Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
