turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
