Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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