I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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