I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
