i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
