Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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