I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
