How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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