i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
