I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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