Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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