please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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