his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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