i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
