No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
