Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
