if only i could text you this smell
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
