fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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