They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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