I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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