I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
