he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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