So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize