another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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