So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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