birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
