I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
