Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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