ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
