How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
