I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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