If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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