i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
