I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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