he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I puked a lego.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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