She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
