Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
this is an emotional support booty call
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
