Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just pee around me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
