You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
