FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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