so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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