it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
