some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
